Friendship Series Part 5: Facebook Friends

Hi Lovelies! I didn't write for the Friendship Series last week 'cause I thought maybe I was done with it. But I've been thinking some more and thought I'd write a quick post!

Remember when you first joined Facebook?? If you were at all like me, you started looking for people from your past! I'd tracked down people from college, high school, middle school, elementary school, and other random people. I started searching old boyfriends or boys that I liked. So curious to see what everyone was up to! Where were they living? What were they doing? I realized some of the people who were my best friends, I no longer had anything in common with. People I didn't know very well back in the day seemed to be a lot cooler now. It was fabulous! All this reconnecting!

It was also a way to keep up with new friends. Just meet someone and add him/her on Facebook! Suddenly, instead of actually getting to know that person, you could see everything you needed to know just on the Facebook page... favorite movies, tv shows, activities; political and religious leanings; info on who they were friends with, things from their past, etc. 

At some point, I can't entirely put my finger on when... it went from being Facebook to being Fakebook. People started falling in to one of two categories: the people that talked about how fabulous their life was allll the time (whether it really was or not) and the people that complained about how miserable things were alll the time (again, whether it really was or not.) Just scrolling through my newsfeed got frustrating and depressing.

I started to look very seriously through my friends list and realized I hardly knew these people. These weren't really my "friends" these were people that had passed through my life at one point or another. Some I wasn't ready to let go of, and others had no reason to be still there.

I think Facebook in general has really de-personalized how we view friends and friendships. "Writing on someone's wall/timeline" now constitutes "keeping in touch." You can stop being friends with someone simply by "unfriending" them.

I've considering doing away with Facebook altogether, simply because of the whole superficiality of it all. What about you? Have you made any comparisons between your Facebook friends and your real life friends? Do you feel it's gotten a lot more fake recently? Or are you still having fun finding old friends and playing Farmville? ;) I'd love to hear what you all think! Oh, and don't forget to check out my Facebook page. hahahahahhaah:)

Friendship Series: Part 4--Keeping Friends

It's that time again! Another weekend post in my friendship series! Quick recap, I've shared with you some of my experiences, talked about how to find friends, and how to make friends. Maybe you've made it this far. You've found some people with shared interests and you've hung out a bit, but how do you make it last?

To go along with my dating comparisons, you're ready to "go steady" (omg, do kids even say that anymore? Hahah, I remember in high school [I graduated in '01] I'd be all like, "I'm going out with Mikey" or "Becky is going out with Seth" and my mom would ask, "Where are you going?" "Mommmmm," I'd sigh and roll my eyes, "we're not going anywhere, it's just means we're boyfriend girlfriend" haha. Ah, the good old days.)

Anyway! How do you get to be in a serious/committed (lol) friendship with someone?

I can sum it up in three words:

It


takes


work.

There's no magical recipe to be BFF-dom. (at least not that I've found). What I have discovered is you get out of a friendship what you put in. So those "dates" I mentioned going on to get to know your new friend? You have to keep doing that. Continue going to coffees, lunches, dinners, brunches, movies, etc. so you can constantly build on the foundation you started.

If you have shared interests, do them together--go to the pool, the beach; play tennis; go hiking; go shopping! Whatever it is you (or she) likes, do it together! Include her in decisions you're making; problems you're having; thoughts you're thinking.

Talk to her! Call her, text her, email her, Facebook her, Tweet her--whatever your preferred way of communication is--do that! (I'm not gonna lie, this is the one I'm not very good at. I love getting emails from people, but I am sooo horrible at replying! If I don't write back as soon as I get it; I will probably forget all about it).

And above all; be honest. Be honest about who you are. Don't try to be someone you think people want to like, be someone who YOU like and others will like you:) (that's so fortune cookie-ish, but I promise it's true:)

And if they don't like you; they really shouldn't be your friend. You are too wonderful a person to waste your time on non-friend-worthy people.

Friendship Series: Part 3--Making Friends

Hi Lovelies! Last night I told you all about how I "find" friends. Let's be honest though, once you find them, you're not done yet. How is it that you actually MAKE friends?

If you put two toddlers in the same room, chances are they'll start playing together and get along just fine. We look at them and say, "Oh, those two are just the best of friends!" It doesn't work that way when we grow up;) You can be in a room full of people who *could* be your friends, some may even say *should* be your friends, and still you can feel completely alone. So how do you make that leap from getting to know someone to being their friend?

I can only speak from personal experience and in no way should this be considered expert advice or anything! I know I've mentioned it before, but building friendships really is a lot like dating. You go through the same stages of trying people out, seeing how their interests/values/beliefs fit into your life and lifestyle.

I told you yesterday that I use Meetup to meet people now; friendships don't become just by going to events. I see Meetup activiities (or really any social setting you're at surrounded by a lot of new people) as a smorgasboard of friends. Really, any of those people around me COULD BE my new BFF. It's a matter of "trying out" all of them and seeing which really works. Like trying on dresses! Finding the one that fits the best and makes me feel fabulous:)

After meeting new people, it's time to take the next step and ask them out! (see? Like dating!) You are ready for your first date! A first date with a new potential girl friend can be anything you want (better if something you BOTH want. I'm all about shared interests in making new friends:) You can go for coffee or out to lunch; go see a movie or go shopping; go bowling or mini-golfing. Basically, anywhere you can just hang out and get to know each other.

If it goes well, go out again. And just keep building on that relationship. Be honest about who you are. No one wants MORE fake friends, I promise. Talk about your past, things that make you who you are today. Talk about your future, your goals, where you want to be. Talk about things that make you smile! Find common ground, but be willing to go outside your comfort zone, too. The good thing about good friends is that they can bring out the best in us and also make us better! You can learn so many things from someone if you just give their interests a try.

It's not all rosy and perfect though. Like dating, you are not going to "fall in love" (for lack of a better term) with every friend. Accept that and know that going in. If you don't like her as much after hanging out with her a few times? So what! Life is too short to surround yourself with people that don't really belong there. Just move on and find someone who does work in your life!

How about your? What techniques have you found to make new friends? How do you get people to go from the acquaintance level to the friend level?

Friendship Series: Part 2 Finding Friends

I started the "Friendship Series" to kinda go a little deeper into how we make friends, how we keep friends, what happens when we lose friends or move on, etc. I didn't write about it last weekend because ironically enough I was actually busy all weekend with friends. lol.

So back to it today! As I've mentioned before, it was so much easier making friends when we were younger because eligible people were just everywhere! In the neighborhood, in the classroom, at the soccer field (or whatever sport or activity you were in:), in the dorms, at girl scouts (I never was one, but I hear that's a good way to make friends, too), etc. Then when you get older, especially if you move or start a new job, it's harder to find people that would make good friends.

Some people say if you hang out places you like being, you will find people who also like those places. In theory a great idea. So you go to coffee shops... book stores... makeup stores.. wherever. But what then? You don't just walk up to some girl and say, "Hi! Would you like to be my friend?" Then you just seem like a crazy person.


Making friends is harder than dating.

Now, before I share with you my secret to finding friends, let us take a moment to hear from someone else who was trying to make friends. Have you ever watched the "Big Bang Theory"? (if so, you're even more wonderful than I thought you were. If  not, are you crazy??? It's like the best TV show IN THE WORLD.) Anyway, little secret, I am totally in love with Sheldon Cooper. I think he is the most adorable thing ever. And honestly? I'd probably be in love with Jim Parsons, too. There is just something so endearing about cute, smart, kinda nerdy boys. They intrigue me. (had I realized this back during my sophomore year of college, I wouldn't have been so horrible to Reid Kornman.) But enough babbling, the point is, Sheldon was at a loss as to how to make friends. This video shows what happened when he went to learn how (sorry! I can't embed it, but I promise if you click the link, it will be two and a half minutes well spent:)

So what can be gleamed from the video? (other than it is really weird to talk to complete strangers in a public place trying to make friends??) We're not the only ones that have a hard time!

a bunch of my girl friends from Virginia

As promised, here is my secret. Meetup.com. Yes, I make friends online. But I promise it's not a loser thing to do! It's not like some creepy online dating site, basically Meetup is full of different groups centered on common interests or hobbies. There's different outings/activities that the groups have and you can go to as many or as few as you like!

This is practically the only way I make friends anymore. You're not going to like every person you meet, and you may not find a BFF right away. But I promise, it's a super simple, easy way, to get out, get involved, and find people that are like you:)

I've been gone from Virginia for almost a year and a half now, and some of those girls are still my very closest friends.

Now what about you? How do you make friends when you're in a new place? Where did you meet the friends that you have now?

**all pictures on this post are courtesy of Melissa Arlena Photography -- my favorite photographer in the world:) You can see more of the pix from the Crazy Booth session of my going away party on her blog**

So hard to say goodbye...

Lately, I've been talking about how difficult it can be to make friends as we get older (many of you agreed:) And I also mentioned that I have this thing that I call the "revolving door of friendship" or something where it seems like I just keep going through friends. At the time, I mentioned it was because of realizing either she didn't like me or I didn't like her.. or just a gradual drifting apart. I think it's almost easier losing friends that way than some crazy break up. Or having someone move away.

I've made a few *true* friends here in Florida, probably less than a handful of girls I'd actual consider to be real friends. Emily is one of those girls. She is one of the absolute cutest, sweetest girl I've ever met. She's smart, she's fun, she helped me learn to knit! She just has a very tender disposition which makes her very easy to like.

Facebook says we became friends June 2, 2011, but we actually met at Panera on Thursday, May 26, 2011. It has been a growing friendship (one I was super excited about!) and then a couple weeks ago, I found out she's moving to Georgia. *sigh*

This is an awesome opportunity for her career, and it's selfish of me to want her to stay here, lol. But it's definitely pretty depressing for me to see her go.

Anyway, I just wanted to let her know how much I appreciate her friendship; and how hard it is to say goodbye. But Atlanta isn't that far away, and I know we will keep in touch. (plus, I'm kind of pressuring her into starting a blog of her own so that I can keep up with her life;)

"A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart." ~Henry Nouwen

The Magical Weekend: Princessess, Tea Cups, and Boys--oh my:)

Hello, lovelies! I apologize for neglecting the blog this past weekend, but I was having one of the best weekends I'd had in a long time! I know it's Monday, and I'm still gonna write a hair post, but I wanted to at least share with you a little all the fun I had!

As I mentioned last week, I was going to be hanging out with a friend I hadn't seen in a while on Friday. It was so great to spend time with her. We started just hanging out at her house, and it was like we hadn't even missed the past six months of each other's lives. We totally picked up right where we left off and things just felt right... and comfortable. Also, since she has a minor obsession with belts and shoes, I've asked her if she'd write a guest post for me sometime.;) The rest of the night is such a blur and I have a hard time remembering all the details, but I do know that it was a fabulous evening and I had a lot of fun!:)

Then one of my best best BFF's from DC was in town. We've been friends for nearly six years now, but I hadn't seen him since before I moved down to FL over a year ago. Saturday night we went to see "Beauty and the Beast 3D"! OMG. It was so beautiful. So amazing. So perfect. While I didn't think there was a whole lot of 3-Dish stuff, the colors and how it looked was just simply magnificient. I left the theater wanting a happily ever after kind of story with a man who has a huge ballroom and a huge library for all my books:) Oh, Disney, how you've clouded my view of reality with impossible expectations. *sigh*

On Sunday, we went to Disneyworld with some of his friends from both DC and FL. It was spectacular!! I had been to Disney parks before, but never Epcot and Magic Kingdom (where we went.) It was a simply magical day!! We were there from 9:30am-2:00am and I had more fun that I ever could have imagined. I think a lot of it had to do with the company. I have come to the realization that perhaps the solution to my friendship problems is that I need to be friends with gay boys! They love the same things I do (fashion, beauty products, boys, musicals, etc.) and they aren't catty/backstabbing/mean like lots of girls are. There's no need to compete with them or be jealous of them (which I see in A LOT of girl friendships). It's just so much simpler. And they are so fabulous! A new new year's resolution is to make more friend with gay boys:) lol.

Today we hit up the outlets and I found Konad stamping polish at a little Kiosk!! Sooooo super excited!! You may remember I got my stamping stuff last fall from Amazon and only started with one polish to see how it worked and if I liked it. I'm so glad I found a place I can buy it from directly! (I'm planning to post more about this tomorrow!)

So now it's home to try to recover from the whirlwind of the past four days and head back to work far too early in the morning lol.


How was your weekend? Did you get the holiday off today? Any thoughts on girl friends versus boy friends?

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post...

I didn't get the time to do a good formal post today. I was gonna do a review of Revlon lip butters (and honestly, who of us hasn't seen several of those already? Lol) I do still plan on writing it up because my review may not say everything you've read before. I can tell you right now my bottom line is "don't buy into all the hype." But more on that later:)

Just a few quick things about friends I wanted to share. Last weekend, I started a series on friendship and how hard it is to make friends. I was surprised at just how many of us have similar situations!! It's nice to know I'm not alone:) Today, out of the blue, I had this girl I used to work with chat me and say "Why is it so hard to find good girl friends?!" (she had no idea about my blog, and that I was struggling with the exact issue!) I about fell out of my chair! "You've got to be kidding me!" I replied, "I've been wondering the same thing!!!"

It's hard to make friends, and sometimes even harder to keep them.

I will be continuing the friendship series on the weekends for as long as I still have stuff to say about it and as long as you all can still relate to it lol:)

One final friend thought. I recently reunited with a friend last weekend. There was a while we saw each other every day of the week with going to the gym and dance class together along with other social outings. But as often happens, life gets in the way and we didn't see each other as much. It's been several months and last Friday we ran into each other at a Pampered Chef party. I'm super excited to report we're gonna go out tomorrow!! Yaaaay!!!:) should be a pretty fab time. Just wanted to share a picture of us from last year. It was a pretty great makeup night for me! May try something similar tomorrow night!

xoxo,
Kristen

(yes, this is from the blogger app. I'm laying in bed and too exhausted to get my computer out lol. Sweet dreams, lovelies!!!:)

Friendship Series: Pt 1--My Story

When I was little I had a TON of friends. Everyone I met became my friend! At that time, I become  the best friends with girls who liked roller skating and riding bikes, reading American Girl and Baby Sitter Club books, playing with stuffed animals and Barbies... but then, in the late '80s and early '90s, wasn't that pretty much EVERY girl??

As I got older, girls started falling in to various groups--the athletic girls, the nerdy girls, the girls with boyfriends, the girls with expensive clothes, the girls with cars, etc... And friends became more separated. There were the friends from school, the friends from work, the friends from church--I had friends everywhere! I was always going somewhere doing something with someone.

College was like a friend smorgasbord! I was forced to become friends with (or at least learn to live peaceably with) the roommates I was given (and actually I had pretty fab roommates and girls that lived in my unit). But then there were people from all over the world that came to one place! I'd meet people in class then meet my new friends' friends and suddenly, my social circle had multiplied immensely!

Then... I was an adult... then, I started this horrible "revolving door friendship." Now, before I go too far, let me explain to you this "revolving door friendship" theory that I have. To me, making friends is kind of like dating. You meet someone, you hang out with her in groups, maybe a little one on one.. kinda try it out for a while and see if you two actually *fit* together. You don't have to like ALLLL the same stuff, but do you at least have some shared interests? Laugh at the same things? etc. While I've had several boyfriends, I go through girl friends like the skankiest person alive. I call it a revolving door, because I'll meet a girl and think I really like her. We'll hang out for a while and then something happens (usually nothing dramatic like an actual break up) and we just kinda drift apart. This happened a lot when I got my first real/career'y type job. I would be friends with someone for a few months, then kinda stop talking and meet someone else. Then I'd be her "friend" for a while 'til something would happen, she'd be gone and I'd meet someone else... on and on...

It started happening so much, that I really started to think it was me. Like, okay, something must be wrong with ME because obviously I (for whatever reason) can no longer keep friends. Make them? Sure, no problem! I love meeting new people, learning things about people, caring about people... but keeping them? That was the problem...

So, I took a long hard look at me, and the pattern and what the situations had in common. And the truth was clear as day:

I make shallow, superficial friendships.

There. I admitted it.

But what does it mean, really? It means, I can be "friends" with anybody. I always made the friends that I could *do* stuff with. I had shopping friends, friends to eat with, friends to go out with, etc. But I didn't have the friends that I would open my heart and share what I was really thinking (ha, irony since I'm opening up so much to all of you whom I hardly know hahaha).

Sure, I love getting to know people, but I don't love people getting to know me. I'll sit any listen to anyone's life story and remember it in great detail, but I'll give random, generic answers if people try to get to know me. Why? Sadly, I think it's because I have such a need to be liked, that the fear of people *not* liking who I really am keeps me more closed up.

This is getting super lengthy, so I'm going to wrap it up here. But have you ever felt like that? Do you have true blue friends you can call crying at 3AM? Or do you have the friends that you can call up to go to happy hour?

**disclaimer, this has just to do with girl friendships. I have much less of a problem opening up to boys and keeping them around longer. But that's probably another issue for another time. lol:) These are just my observations/opinions and are in no way meant to offend/insult/upset anyone.

Friendship Series--Prologue

Happy Saturday, lovelies! I hope you're having a super fun weekend! Today's topic isn't really beauty related, but from talking/Tweeting with many of you, I think there's several of you that may be able to relate to this. I want to talk about friendships. Since I don't have a scheduled topic for Saturdays yet, I thought it would be good to introduce this and increase my weekend postings. These are the tentative topics for the Friendship Series (order subject to change):

• Finding Friends
• Making Friends 
• Lasting Friendships
• Losing Friends
• Time Alone vs Time with Friends

Now, I don't know if you're like I am, but do you feel that it becomes harder to make friends as you get older? When you're little, you're friends with all the neighborhood kids that live near you. When you're in school, you're friends with the other kids in your class. When you're in college/military, you're friends with the people you live with/train with. Then you enter the real world. You might move to take a job. You work with people your parents' age. You find yourself starting over.

How do *you* find and make friends???

Items that are "clothes" to my heart

Back when I was in college (those six short years ago) a lot of my friends and I were all the same size. It seemed like everyone I knew was a 3/4 or 5/6 and all of our clothes were interchangeable. We'd share clothes, shoes, everything without even a second thought about it. We took a trip to NYC once, and it was like each of our wardrobes tripled because we could fit into all the clothes each of us brought and the clothes that everyone else brought too. (and seriously, looking back at those pictures, you can see which day each of us wore some of the same items. lol)


But then we grow up. Our bodies change. We gain weight. Lose weight. I like to think a lot of my weight just re-positions itself. I'm pleased that certain parts of my body did grow on their own ;) lol but other problem places seem to keep getting all the left over pounds when my weight "re-positions" itself. hahaha. It gets harder to share clothes with our friends since there's the super skinny girls, the more voluptuous girls, etc. 


When I went to a clothing swap with some of the girls today, I really wasn't sure if I'd get anything out of it. Oh, I definitely put enough into it! I had two full size trash bags full of clothes--clothes that didn't fit, clothes I didn't like any more, just a way to purge out my closet:) Now, I've donated clothes to Goodwill before--and I'm fine with that, you never have to see people LOOKING at your clothes. It's a completely different story when you can see people LOOKING at your clothes. It's almost like I felt they were judging me based on the clothes I was getting rid of. A lot of the clothes I've bought were for "special occasions." Like, oh, that's the shirt I got on my first date with so-and-so. That's the cute top I bought when I was on vacation with what's her name. Everything had a story to me. And it was almost like people were going thru the history of my life. And it was just a weird feeling. Believe it or not, I'm not a very open person, and it just made me feel too vulnerable having people I knew going thru my stuff...


But, it was a happy ending story! I ended up coming away with a super cute pair of jeans, a tank top, a frilly sleeveless shirt (that I LOVE), and a flowy little short-sleeve shirt. Yay for new free clothes!


The clothes of mine that weren't taken at the swap have since been disposed of in a donation bin. So someone will get to enjoy the clothes I no longer want. And I won't have to see anyone else go through my personal items:)